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Friday, September 29, 2006

Jane Lake and Size!

No matter what you may say or think, size matters!

Studies show that taller people get paid more.

Scott toilet paper just announced that they have new improved toilet paper at the same cost and still 1,000 sheets. THE SHEETS ARE SMALLER!

Would you step on a bug, or does it matter how big it is?

What happened to 3" X 5" photos? Now everything is "4 X 6"!

Did we get thinner, or is size 0 a scam?

A pint of ice cream is a joke!

Did you spend your childhood hoping that you were going to be taller than the clown's hand at the amusement park?

How small does a baby have to be before you take away its right to live?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Jane Lake and Ping Pong!

Apparently, a British study has showed that if a woman's ring finger is longer than her index finger, she will have more athletic prowess than her stubby ring finger pals.

Excitedly, my ring finger is longer than my index finger. I just wish I knew this earlier in life as my tennis career needed to begin 10 years ago. I thought I was just like everyone else with average sports ability. Who knew I was the next Wilma Rudolph!

Now I need to decide which sport I will excel in. At 24, I am too old to begin most sports. Wait... TABLE TENNIS! What sport could be better for an elongated ring finger person like myself! I must go out and buy a table and paddles immediately.

Jane Lake and Ping Pong! That's a wondrous melodic song.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Jane Lake and The Fat Ban!

New York is trying to ban artificial trans fatty acids! Pro fatty acid groups are outraged and beginning the protests. When you start messing with people's french fries and doughnuts, they start to pay attention.

I'm sure Julia Child would be appalled if she were still alive (although she preferred the natural fatty stuff!)

Personally, I would be happy to never see an artificial trans fatty acid again. It would probably save lives, help reduce obesity, and start a trend towards healthier cooking.

But is it the government that should lead this battle? If you have read my slippery slope post, you will know I am leery to start a precedent that has a good intention when it may lead to opening Pandora's box. What's next? Ban processed sugar, white rice, all processed foods!

A better approach would be for NYC to provide incentives for achieving certain health standards. Let's keep eating healthy a positive personal goal and not an enforced government requirement.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Jane Lake and Spinach!

Now I'm getting really mad!

I love spinach, and now Bluto is trying to take it away from me!

Spinach salad, spanakopita, sauteed with garlic, spinach omelettes, saag paneer, spinach quiche, and even creamed spinach are among my faves.

Why can't E. Coli be more selective and attack turnips? Nobody in their right mind likes turnips, unless of course it's mixed with spinach.

I don't want to be a conspiracy theory fanatic, but if terrorists wanted to create an anemic society, they might certainly start with iron rich spinach. We must battle back and double our kale intake! We can beat this. We will not let Popeye down!

We are strong to the finish when we eat our spinach!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Jane Lake and Mel Gibberish!

I'm sorry. I can't one day read about a man driving drunk, making anti Semitic remarks and then weeks later take him seriously on issues regarding Iraq or care in the slightest about his new movie. It doesn't matter to me whether or not I agree with what he may be currently saying or whether or not he may be a talented film maker. Unfortunately, people don't change overnight.

I tried to read the article but all I could see was blah, blah, blah. I am typically a forgive and forget person, and am willing to give people many chances, but I think the old adage may be true here when I say:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Jane Lake and Hillary Clinton!

You may ask, "Does Jane Lake know Hillary Clinton?"

Well, I was walking down 5th Avenue the other day when one of those unfortunate things happens. My heel broke off on one of my shoes. With great aplomb, I fell forward knocking into another woman. Lo and behold it was Hillary Clinton.

She said, "Well young lady, you need to watch where you are going. Don't you know who I am?"

I replied, "Aren't you Margaret Hamilton from The Wizard of OZ? I thought you were dead!"

Hillary was not amused. She instructed the nice Secret Service men with her to put me in her car. I thought , quite naively, she was going to take me somewhere to fix my shoe.

She entered the car with me and said, "Take off your shoe!"

I thought it strange but figured why not.

She then said "EAT THE SHOE!". It was completely unreasonable (my shoes are vinyl by the way as I am a vegetarian!) and I refused.

She said "Eat the shoe, or I will stay in New York forever!"

I had no choice. I ate the shoe!

Hillary then said , "Vote for me for President".

That is when I lost it. With one arm I pinned back both secret service men, and with the other arm I grabbed Hillary by her horns and said, "Take off your shoe! She took off her shoe.

Now I said, "EAT THE SHOE!". To my surprise she did, and actually seemed to enjoy it!

You may ask, "Does Jane Lake know Hillary Clinton?"

We had dinner together!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Jane Lake and Sesame Street!

I was watching Sesame Street (it's never too late to learn!) and there was Ruben Studdard (American Idol) singing the alphabet with Elmo! That is something I always loved about the Street. They would have excellent singers singing children's songs and talking to puppets. Does it get any more fun than that?

I would love to sing the alphabet with Zoey someday. (Everyone wants to do something with Elmo so I figured I would give Zoey a whirl!) I don't think you can say you have really made it until you do Sesame Street. Venus Williams played tennis with Elmo and Elmo won. What a match!

They now have these little vignettes of famous people speaking about how Sesame Street affected their lives. I actually was not a big Sesame Street watcher when I was a kid, but even when you catch a snippet here or there it gets inside you and makes you smile.

Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo just came out with a book. I'm sure its a must read! I will certainly be waiting in line for my extreme Tickle Me Elmo!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Jane Lake and Change!

Change is an inevitable part of life. Going to a new school, a new job, a new house, having a child, all change what global vision you had of the world prior to the change. Change can be stressful, exciting, enlightening and many times unexpected.

But even small changes can have an effect.

I was ordering 3 eggs and mushrooms on whole wheat toast every day for breakfast before work. One day I decided to cut back to 1 egg and mushroom on whole wheat toast, and voila I began to feel more energetic, lost weight, and realized the old sandwhich was overkill. Yes, I was a little hungrier than before but it was a good hungry.

Of course change isn't always good. Getting sick, being in an accident, someone close dying, also can change your perspective and outlook on the future. Negative change, I believe, is the greatest opportunity to learn and grow. Many people let these opportunities pass without taking advantage of the "step back" environment it can provide.

Dealing with change is one of the most difficult challenges we are faced with in life. Many people are comfortable with their lives and routines and avoid change like the plague. I have learned, however, that it is change and the results of change that inevitably allow us to mature and grow and understand the world around us in a more complete way.

We are better off to embrace change and even encourage it as status quo is probably the biggest cause of depression and boredom we know.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Jane Lake and Personal Trainers!

If I had more money, I would definitely have a personal trainer. I had one for about two years and it was one of the best experiences I have had. No matter what you may think, having someone push you to your limits makes you stronger, more motivated, and happier. After the price rose to $75/hr, I started cutting back, and then you start thinking that you can do the same thing by yourself but I learned quickly that I can't.

I never looked forward to going, but I was always happy I did after it was over. I was on a tofu hot pot kick back then and have many fond memories of working out, having a tofu hot pot, and feeling the protein surge into my muscles.

Someday I will bite the bullet and do it again, but that pesky money thing is a real downer!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Jane Lake and Real Men and Women!

Real men are not interested in watching football, playing golf, smoking cigars, reading girlie magazines, using power tools, climbing the corporate ladder, listening to Howard Stern, or shooting guns.

Real women are not interested in going shopping, accumulating shoes, spending hours putting on make-up, proving they're better than men, one night stands, getting a tan, or having their nails done.

Both real men and real women are interested in being with family, laughing with friends, helping others, cooking a good meal, playing Scrabble, and all around being a good doobie.

I estimate based on my criteria that only .22% of all men are real which is about 1 in 500. As bad as that sounds, I also estimate that only .022% of all women are real which is about 1 in 5000.

So for all you real women out there, just remember that there are 10 times as many real men available as there are real women. Just a fact.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Jane Lake and Corporate America!

When I first graduated from college, the last thing I wanted to do was work 9 to 5 for a corporation.

Of course, that is exactly what I did. First, it was just to save some money for acting. Then as you move up the ladder and make more money it becomes like a drug. Then you get laid off and you say "What was I doing?" Then a recruiter calls with a job for 50% more money and you say "Yeahhh!!" Then you hate your boss and say "Why am I doing this?" Then a recruiter call with a job for 50% more money and you say "Yeahhh!!"

Finally, you get high enough up in the food chain where you don't have to do any work because your staff does it all, and you get to surf the web and post on blogs, and a recruiter calls with a job for 50% more money with more responsibility and you say, "I'm happy where I am."

All in all, I'd rather be on a beach sucking down margaritas, but I'm not cleaning toilets either (not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Jane Lake and Friendship!

I rank my friends as follows:

1) Acquaintance - someone who you wouldn't invite to a party but would not avoid at a party if you saw them.

2) Friend - someone who you would invite to a party but you realize the friendship is circumstancial and temporary.

3) Good friend - someone who you look forward to hanging out with but wouldn't trust with your darkest secrets.

4) Great friend - someone who has proven themselves through time by their actions and interactions.

5) Special friend - one of the first people you want to call to tell about the good news. Trusted and special because you share great times and a similar outlook.

6) Dear friend - akin to family. Someone you would trust with your life.

I tend to form 1's and 6's. I have had a 5 turn into a 0, so you don't always know for sure. I am not social enough to get 2's and 3's and my 4's are typically high school and college friends. A 6 is worth its weight in gold and if you have more than 1 you are very lucky! I have 2!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Jane Lake and Pluto Updated!

It is official. Pluto is now asteroid 134340! I am excited as everyone knows 134340 is 2239 times 60. Since 22 is my favorite number, ex-Pluto is now my favorite asteroid!

By the way, can everyone please vote in the upcoming elections? I'm tired of being the proxy for so many others who would rather watch the results on TV. This isn't baseball. A nice groundswell of additional voters can easily sway an election in our 50 - 50 country. So in honor of the new asteroid, lets get an additional 134,340 people out to vote. (In NYC at least!)

So if 22 is your favorite number or you like chocolate, please vote!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Jane Lake and September 11th!

It is difficult for me to walk the thin line of respecting those killed and affected by the tragedy on 9/11, and villifying the exploitive results 5 years later.

How many people even mention those killed on the airplanes, and those killed at The Pentagon? And even more horribly those killed in the name of 9/11. Afghanistanis, Iraqis, Americans, etc have been killed and their families left in shambles for what is mostly about the destruction of two big buildings. Had the towers not collapsed, I believe the resulting reaction and follow through would have been quite different. Politics, the film industry, books, and real estate developers, have all monopolized on the tragedy and made profit or personal gain.

For the families, yes, I can fully understand the day being etched in their souls, but for the rest of us, I unfortunately believe the sensationalized aspects of the event are what is remembered, and putting it on a pedestal only goes further in supporting more killing. Probably not since Pearl Harbor Day has a single day taken on such power, but I believe it is only when we can start to move on and away from it can we truly prosper.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Jane Lake and Paris Hilton!

It is one thing to be rich and flighty and want to be famous for just that. It is another thing to be disrespectful and law breaking. Paris was arrested for DUI. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it took so long. Paris on her show The Simple Life blatantly makes fun of people less fortunate than herself. She calls it all an act but DUI is no act. It is life threatening to others.

I don't claim to know the real Paris Hilton, but pictures of her being blotto at party after party has to say something. Most of the folks doing reality TV are far from role models, and that's what makes the show interesting to viewers. Paris Hilton is an example of excess leading to a blur of what reality is.

Of course someday, her 15 minutes of fame will be over, her oats will be sowed, and she will turn to philanthropy. I just hope her causes benfit more than we have all suffered from her unbecoming behavior.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Jane Lake and Artificial Intelligence

Supercomputers are now being built that will process 500 trillion calculations per second. The human brain processes around 100 trillion per second. It is a logical conclusion that computers will be smarter than humans once programmed properly.

Will innovations and inventions be computer generated? Will computers develop personalities? And of course, the ultimate question in sci-fi, will computers try to take over?

Without emotions, boredom, and fatigue, computers will "live" 24/7, and do what no human has ever been able to do for any extended period of time...FOCUS!

I think on some level, they have the potential to become humanoid. Even logical reasoning will lead to abstract questions about existence and why we are here. Perhaps without the clutter of the human body and its imperfect workings, they will be able to come up with the answer.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Jane Lake and Back To School

... but not for me!

Just another Tuesday after Labor Day for me.

No notebooks, pencils, graph paper, reinforcements, teachers, homework, cafeteria food, bullies, cliques, blackboards, note taking, tests, quizzes, memorizing, studying, hall passes, lockers, gym showers, homeroom, backpacks or reports.

Just deadlines, commuting, emails, voicemails, coffee, blackberries, meetings, phone conferences, annual reviews, bosses, staples, excel spreadsheets, word documents, late nights, weekends, and did I say coffee?

hmmm. maybe its time to go back to school!

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